No Pain

October 8, 2018


The vibe was right. My mind was right. The music blasting. I was ready to have a good night.
I was spitting freestyles to myself as the DJ flowed. ‘I ain’t got no money, still got my time, and that’s all I need to make this rhyme’ ‘Flow from the angels, lyrics satanic, devilish flow, you know fo sure, bastard dreams of a life in concords’ ‘I rhyme tight like the gloves in a box fight’ ‘Not that nine to five I ain’t talking bout white shirts, green ties,all I know is mob ties’
‘I got broads out in ***** I got broads out in Lagos, I hope you think I’m kidding cuz I’m about to make you famous’ ‘Oleku tell me something wey I no do o, tell me babe wey I no fi do o, if you ask me, I ain’t got a clueee o’

So many lyrics running through my mind as I was chilling overtime....then you walked though you were about to give me back my walked in....

Now I’m up at 2:54, working overtime as though it’ll be my cure. I’m up at 2:55. Sliding into my DMs is what might be an angel in disguise .... I reply (to her reply)...she’s nothing like you. She’s not you. She’s better....saying that makes me feel better

At least I know I don’t hate you. I looked at you once to confirm my suspicion that it was you as you walked into the room full of speakers blasting. For the rest of the night, you were a ghost to me. My heart died the day you stabbed it. Never to be the same again. My heart died. I know this because I didn’t feel pain when I realized you came here for my homie. I feel no pain. Only disgust at failure to love myself more. Disgust at my failure to raise my standards. Back in the day.....

I feel no pain
Just a conviction to get mine or die trying. Get mine or dye trying.......
I feel no pain.
I didn’t see you but I could feel you calling for my attention. You wanted another slice of my soul. You wanted to be heard. You wanted your cheers for the homie to be at the top of your lungs. You wanted it. You wanted to come close to my peripheral. I could feel a head turn back twice to see her victim behind her. She moved all the way to the front to grab my attention ... or was it my heart.... I don’t know. I don’t think I have one anymore. And that’s fine.

I felt no pain. Discomfort, sure. But I felt no pain. Just disgust at the nativity I once had.
I am what I am. There’s a cave in my chest. The allegory of the cave. The symptoms of s free slave. I’m brave. I said it. I’m brave.
Let’s go.

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